also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
