he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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