evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Operation Purity has been aborted
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
