well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
