why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
