a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
This is my gift to your gina
I think your dad took our porno
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
