Dual....:-)
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
