I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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