I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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