Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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