What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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