i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
