Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
