The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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