I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
