He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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