I want to make a zoo with you.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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