i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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