you would pick up someone in the library
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
