Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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