Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
So I just went to clothing optional bar
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
