What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
