Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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