party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
