she woke up with a sticky ear
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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