just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
