just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
