I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize