I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
