We won't sleep together?
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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