your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
