after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
