Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
my phone needs a breathalizer
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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