She is in my trunk
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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