so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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