Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
