Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Im part way to drunk.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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