Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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