dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize