i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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