The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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