I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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