They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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