She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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