walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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