this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
