addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
