He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
