Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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