Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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