So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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