just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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