Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
