We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Sober January is a disaster.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
