...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Still dying that you shit outside
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
