Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
