***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Randomize
