At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
