New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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