I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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