She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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