she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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