turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
