I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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