You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
