you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
