ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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