when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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