It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
