I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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