The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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