There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
