before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
