they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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