i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
