how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I love you. Go after that dick
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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