I want to have your abortion
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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