i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
