I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
