i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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