:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
