So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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