I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize