gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
