i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
