my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Randomize
