id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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