it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I have fence marks all over my body
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
