I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
