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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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