I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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