you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
