honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
