To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize