So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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