Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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