Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
