If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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