My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
