Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
