WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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