Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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