you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
