I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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