he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I believe in your delicious
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
