you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
