I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
