My nipple is on Facebook.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
