no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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