If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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