In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
